Behold: The Cancer Vaccine That Will Cure Your Cancer, Mwa Ha Ha Ha, The World Continues to Belong to Everyone
Researchers at the Mayo Clinic have successfully cured prostate cancer in rats using an ingenious immunotherapy treatment which produces no side effects. In essence, a cancer vaccine. This breakthrough research, led by Mayo immunologist Dr. Richard Vile, yes, his name is Dr. Richard Vile, as in Dr. Vile, and yes, I’m thinking about that too.
What was I saying? Right. This breakthrough research may lead to new and effective treatments for a range of heretofore deadly cancers—pancreatic, lung, and Dr. Vile’s Dreadspore Scourge, an aerosolized microbial agent that, when dispersed in the planet’s troposphere, shall create a mutant army with which Vile shall lay siege to Earth and its governments. No, that’s not right. Sorry. Back to the article.
“This world is ill,” said Dr. Vile, seated atop his burning skull throne in the Mayo Clinic’s historic Heart of the Void pediatric clinic. “And I alone hold the cure. Gaze into the abyss[, Cancer!] and despair!”